Give Me A Type

Dear God,

I don't have a type!!!
During this holiday season most of us are dragged out to family functions where the reality of how far behind I am in life compared to everybody else is shoved in my face. I mean...I know relationships come and go, but seriously... when is the next one going to come!!! To tell you the truth I have no one to blame but myself. A few people have come my way in the past year but none of them seem to catch my fancy, but what makes the issue harder is that i can't figure out what my type is. If i recount all of the times in the past while that I have found someone attractive I recall that none of them fit into the same type.
I guess this all makes sense though, I mean...I am the type of person that has yet to settle down in one place, or one career. My 5 year plan consists of 5 different jobs and 5 different cities.
..........................
.................................
It's time to settle down. Or just keep living like a bachelor. the only problem is that i don't do hookups but that is a whole other blog entry.

Whipped Cream Covered Titties Wont Hide You From Me.

Dear God,

It was my last day in New York this past Wednesday and I went out for some lunch with some friends that I had not seen in a long time. I was late, as usual, rushed in to the restaurant and settled in to my chair. Once I had taken off all my layers and took my first sip of water, Courtney (my friend) said to me " Ryan Cabrera is behind you.........and I think Ali Larter is too" I did a quick glance behind me, pretending to check out the decor.
.....glance glance glance....Ryan Cabrera...check
.....glance glance glance....directly behind me I hear Ali Larter...check
Now, once upon a time I used to be a Heroes fan, but after the season finale they lost my attention. I gave up on the writers, they fail on a weekly basis to fulfill my need of superhero entertainment.
I was so close to turning around in my chair and asking her point blank "...allright girlie...what's going on with your show???" but I didn't want to make her feel too important so I left it alone.
My friends and I left the restaurant and walked around the corner to a little boutique shop so they could look at some clothes. As I sat down to relax on a bench while the ladies paroosed the shop I looked up and saw Ms. Larter stroll on in with her friend and start looking around....PRETENDING she was interested in the clothes. See, I am no fool. I know what was going on, she saw me in the restaurant...was trying to build up the courage to tap me on the shoulder and get my attention, but ended up being too shy. Now she was following me around and pretending like she had some sort of interest in beautiful dresses and things like that. I mean....come on....I am no fool.
You were caught Ali, I know what you were up to and it's time for you to leave me alone...Stop Following Me!!!!!!

When T.V. Personalities Attack!!!

Dear God,

My sister (crumpets) was born on Nov. 1st and my father (Papa) was born on Nov. 5. As a Present this year my mother (Mom) decided to fly everyone out to New York to visit crumpets. The fact that my brother (Telly) and I were going to be there was a surprise for Papa. Let me tell you the surprise went off with a bang!! He was so shocked and happy that we were there.
All in all the weekend was going very well, We went out for some great meals, we had great conversations over drinks and then one morning (Saturday the 3rd to be exact)...(or I guess it was lunch to most people) we went to this Italian restaurant. The family had all been staying at different places over the weekend, I was staying at my friend Verena's house while my parents were at a Hotel and my siblings were at Crumpets house. Verena lives quite close to the restaurant that we ate at so surprisingly we were the first to arrive, which was kind of annoying because then she and I were in charge of putting in the name and neither of us knew how many people were coming so it was all very uncomfortable with the stupid hostess until the GM came up and handled it all with ease and patience. Verena and I stumbled to the back of the restaurant to seat ourselves at the table. As I finally settled myself in I looked across the room at the only table sitting in the back area and was overwhelmed with excitement...and fear. I turned to Verena and said "Don't look now, but Laurie and George from Real Housewives of Orange County are sitting at the table behind us".
The reason I was so excited was because I had just been watching a marathon of the show a couple days prior to this event, but the reason I was scared was because I was so taken aback by how horrible she looked. I mean...you sit there looking at her knowing she is human being but you just can't see that...her face has been mangled around so much that all I really see is that creepy face that Alec Baldwin makes in Beetlejuice. Her Hair is blonder than most and (maybe its because of the product she uses in her hair) her head is way too large. I mean she must have to get up pretty early to get herself ready because there was way too much time and care put into something that just doesn't please my eye.
Eventually Telly arrived and, like me, felt like he had been hit in the face with a sledge hammer as he cast his first gaze upon her. As he sits down next to me he whispers "I shouldn't have sat on this side because now I wont stop looking at her...But then again even if she weren't famous I would be looking at her horrible plastic surgery".
Laurie sat on her phone for a good 15 minutes while George sat there staring off into space (and sometimes over at our table), and then they finally left.
I was left wishing that the Real Housewife I had seen would be Vicki because then I would have definitely gone over to say something to her because after all...I do LOVE that show.

I Don't Speak Parseltongue

Dear God,

I'm Lost.

I am dying to blog, but I can't think of what I should blog about.

I mean what should i tell you.....

right now i am listening to Carrie Underwood's new song "So Small"...I have never listened to her before and the only reason i have this song is because of her stupid (yet wonderful) Target commercial. Plus my brother likes her so I thought I would give her a chance.
..................

My roommate called me yesterday...She sounded a lot more chipper than she normally does. I was out to lunch with a couple of friends (Alex and Matt). I asked her what was up and she replied in a very excited tone "So......I think I am going to get a snake!!!" ".............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................okay." I replied, in an extremely bothered tone. You see I don't necessarily dislike snakes it's just that every now and then I have nightmares about snakes attacking me in my bed or in my room (this usually happens after I have been watching Animal Planet) so the thought of actually having one in the house is not something that i would accept with a positive attitude.
I don't think she liked my response.....but I didn't really care, and I also didn't really think she was serious about it but low and behold last night I came home late and sitting on the coffee table was a receipt from a pet store right next to my camera. I thought, Nah.....she couldn't have really done it. Then i went for the camera.......
The snake is the size of a worm......some would say that it's "harmless" or "just a garden snake", but i know better. I know that my little snake friend is sitting in its box in the room next to me planning its escape so that it can come and find me and eat me.

I feel like every day I am losing a little more of my masculinity.

Peter (or Petra)

Pieces Of Her

Dear God,

There is something about Ashlee Simpson that i just can't describe.....I love her....plain and simple!!!
You can make fun if you want....
I don't care. My love for her really has nothing to do with her music or her career. It is basically just because of her own celebrity. She isn't an IN YOUR FACE celebrity that you are forced to read about everyday. She shows her face every once in a while, but never do you see her shit-faced, walking out of a bar making some sort of scene that the paparazzi are going to want to watch and follow. She's got this thing down where she only shows up every few weeks so that I never really get tired of her and when I see her picture in a magazine I am relieved to see HER face and not the face of B. Spears or LiLo. Plus I get excited because she never fails to flaunt her staple look of fedora, long blonde wavy locks, pouty lips or ear to ear smirk (and she usually has Pete Wentz with her and he is fun to look at too).
I am trying to figure out if this post has a point........
.....okay i just remembered my point...........
....my point is that I saw Ashlee Simpson in person the other day (at a concert for a band that someone i mentioned in this post plays bass guitar for)...(don't make fun) and she couldn't have pleased me more with her presence. She had it all on her...every last piece:

The Fedora
The long blonde wavy locks
The New nose (I mean i loved the old one, but the new one looks great)
The ear to ear smirk (and sometimes a big clenched mouth smile)
The oversized top
and
The tights

Seeing her was the best part of that show. (I'm sorry Matt...Don't be mad) (be glad because this is the second time I have mentioned you in my blog)

"Lars and the Real Girl" is Not a Foreign Film, and That's Not Why You Should See It

Dear God,

If you haven't already heard about Ryan Gosling's new movie "Lars and the Real Girl" you're probably wondering (just like everyone else) Is that a foreign film? The answer is no. It's not a foreign film. For some, that's probably a relief – maybe even a reason to consider seeing it. This disturbs me, and that's why I'm writing you today.

I love foreign films, but not everyone does. Fine. What bothers me is that there are a bunch of reasons why everyone should see "Lars and the Real Girl" and not one of them is because it's not foreign. What are those reasons, you ask? Good question; I'll give you ten:

1) The Story. It's refreshing and unique. I know, I know, you probably think you've seen it all.
2) The Element of Surprise. Even if you think you know what it's about (yes, even if you've seen the trailer) you'll likely be
surprised.
3) The Cast. Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Paul Schneider, Kelli Garner and Patricia Clarkson. OK, technically that's five
reasons, but they're all notable and likable and I'm not leaving one of them out! Think of it as a bonus.
4) The Doll. You should meet Bianca. And, the fact that she's a Real Doll (and not an actual person) should not stop you.
5) The "Little Miss Sunshine" Factor. This movie, too, will remind you that you can't escape your family and that maybe,
somehow, that's not such a bad thing.
6) The Writer. "Lars" was written by a woman, and in an age when the head of a major motion picture studio (Jeff Robinov,
President of Production at Warner Bros – yes, I'm naming names) says they no longer plan to make films starring women
we should do what we can to prove that women are capable of producing commercially successful material (material
that's worthy of success, to boot) and, above all else, that this dude's a chump (Sorry for being mean, God, but this stuff
really pisses me off! And, sorry for writing "pisses" just now).
7) The Heart. At the risk of sounding softer than a wheel of room-temperature brie, this movie warmed my heart. In other
words, it's heartwarming. And if that seems like a reason not to see it, your heart's been frozen by the gratuitous
edginess (read: lack of substance) that permeates the so-called-indie film scene today. (Not you, God. I'm sure your
heart is warm and all that. But there may be some cold-hearts reading).
8) The Love. "Lars" is a love story. Not exactly in the conventional sense (see Reason #2), and completely in the
conventional sense.
9) The World We Live In. This movie promotes kindness and understanding. Can we really ever overdo those two? (I
thought you'd like this one, God).
10) The Flaws. Like Lars himself, this movie is not perfect, and I don't want to fool anyone into thinking that's what I'm
trying to say. All I'm saying is it's lovable, and don't we all love something or someone (not naming names this time)
imperfect?

The movie opened last weekend in New York and Los Angeles. But if it's easier for you to wait until it opens a little wider, I understand. You're busy. Just don't forget to tell me what you think once you've seen it.

Yours Really,

Crumpets

The Crumpets Are Ready!!!

God....Here it is...A post by none other than A Crumpet.

The Crumpets Are Almost Out Of The Oven.

Dear God,

A few days ago i woke up and had the most exciting message waiting for me...an email message that is. A crumpet (my sister) had sent me a little flyer requesting that it be given the opportunity to guest blog on my page.
Well, you can imagine my excitement as i was lying there reading the email with my eyes only being able to open half way because i am still half asleep, but that doesn't seem to stop me from checking my crackberry to see how many people have missed me and needed to fill that void by sending me messages (text/email/picture/AIM...it all comes through on my baby bberry)...(god i love that device) while i was asleep.
I told the crumpet that i would be delighted to have it post a blog on my site.
So....Today i am making a new batch of crumpets, i put them in the oven a short while ago...and from the smell of them i think that we will all be enjoying the taste of crumpets very soon.

Ode to Telly

Dear God,

It is the beginning of October...It is my brothers birthday in 7 days. He is moving home to LA in Two Months. I am supposed to be moving home as well around the same time (but we will see if that actually happens). Basically this blog is me asking my brother to come to Chicago to visit before i move away. So if you have an opinion on this idea please comment. But please be on my side and try to help me convince my brother to come see me.

A blog about the fog.

Dear God,

Two nights ago chicago was hit with its first fog. It started off as a simple haze but as the night progressed it got thicker and thicker. My friend Matt was over...We watched Heartbreakers with Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt (if you haven't seen this movie, you must). He left my house around 2:30 in the morning and when he opened the door to leave we were shocked to see how foggy it had become outside. It was as if we were in some sort of snowglobe; all we could see was half a block down the road.
Matt got onto his bike and road off into the darkness. As I watched him ride off my mind went to all kinds of dark places thinking about the interesting creatures that come out in this kind of darkness. Would Matt be okay? Would he steer clear of the many monsters that lurk as he rode those few bolcks home????

.....He did.

I think my cherry popped!!! Or my water broke.....?????

Dear God,

Well...this is it! My first blog entry. I am feeling a lot of pressure, I mean to tell you the honest truth I just spent about a good hour sitting in front of my computer screen trying to figure out the perfect URL name for this blog. I have always been very apprehensive to start a livejournal or any other form of blog because I just don't think I have anything interesting to write...oh wait...actually I do have a live journal....
.....i just remembered....I think that it was set to private though and it's main function was supposed to be a workout training journal.
Ya...that lasted maybe one week.
I just hate working out, it's as easy as that. I stresses me out and i'll tell you why, it's because if I wake up and say that I am going to go for a run (and then I do)...(go for a run), the entire time I am out there all I am thinking about is what my friends are doing and wonder if they are going to go off and make plans with someone else while I am out on a run and then when I back from my run and start searching for some friend to give me the kind of attention that i need to get through a day I am slapped with the news that my friend is off with someone else having a good time....without me! At this point I usually get the invite to come meet up with them wherever they are, but I never take them up on this offer because at this point I was not an original contributer to the days plans and so now I am just a tag-along (and really...who wants to be a tag-along????). So...that is why I get stressed and why I can never stick to a training program.

I've gained 20lbs. in the past year. I wish I was one of those people who lost weight when they are stressed, I would look great.